So I now have a pinched nerve on my left side. Pain runs from my shoulder down to my thumb. The dr thinks it could be from my neck exercises I pretty much have to do to get it back to normal. Now I feel like I am dying all over again.
We want a baby. We want to share the love we have in our home with another little person. All of us! I can not have any more children. Richard is a carrier of Kell in his blood. It is rare, only about 10 % of the human population has this. Richard is one of them.
So when we got pregnant with Richard I had a whole bunch of issues. From the start. When I first got pregnant my OB told me I might think about getting an abortion. That the chances of me having a "normal healthy baby" was very slim. As you can imagine there was NO way that was ever even a thought. At 13 weeks I found out Richard was a boy. I was in the ER, they were thinking I was having a miscarriage. God was with us and let us keep our baby boy. I was in severe pain my whole pregnancy with him. I even had to start seeing a specialist and get cortisone shots in my hip bone. Then I went into pre term labor at 30 weeks. I got to the hospital (by myself cause Richard was at work) my contractions were coming every 2 minutes! I spent 9 days in the hospital on complete bed rest. I was finally able to come home. Then I developed Pre-eclampsia. At 35 weeks I was sent to the hospital and wasn't coming home without a baby. I went from feeling fine when I got there to hours later throwing up every few minutes. They started the pitocin (sp?) they told me to go to sleep and I would go into labor in the early morning. Well about 5 minutes later I had a room full of nurses with the dr. He came in and said that baby needs to come out NOW. It was a whirlwind from there. Richard IV was born less than 20 minutes later. Even though he was 5 weeks early he was healthy. He needed oxygen for a few hours but that was it.
The OB told me this was it. I should not have ANY more children. That I should arrange to get my tubes tied or Richard needed to get the big V. I didn't like that answer. I didn't like him. Same guy telling me I should abort my perfectly healthy baby!
So 6 month later I got pregnant with Carson. Oops! Found a new ob. Things were going along find. Then we moved cross country from Colorado back to Florida. What a fun trip that was but that is a whole different post. When I got to Florida no OB wanted to take me on. I finally found one and made my appointment. I go in and I am in the area they take your vitals. They found out I was a type one diabetic on an insulin pump and told me that they could not take me on because Spring was a very busy time for them. Are you kidding me???? I left the office in tears. Felt like I had some horrible disease that people didn't want to be around. Finally got into a high risk dr after trying dozens of places. At 24 weeks I started having contractions. I was on bed rest from then on. I was in and out of the hospital a bunch of times. I hated the office I was in. I changed drs when I was 34 weeks pregnant! Found another very high risk dr that was ok with taking me on. I liked them SO much better. So I was in and out of the hospital with that dr too. At 36 weeks I went in to Labor & Delivery because he wasn't moving. Went through all the test. Everything was ok. But before I went home they wanted to do an ultrasound. Well he showed up being 9.5 lbs at 36 weeks even! I was developing preeclampsia again.They were worried about how big he was. I was so big with extra fluid they felt it was safer to get him out. So at 36 weeks 1 day Carson was born. Being FOUR weeks early he weighed in at 10 lbs 2 oz!!!! He was HUGE! He went straight to ICU. He was having issues breathing. They got that under control pretty quick but his blood sugar kept crashing very low. They found him sugar water right away. While feeding he would stop breathing. He would turn blue. It was SO scary! He stayed in ICU for a week. It was SO hard leaving the hospital without him.
Somehow with Carson during my c section with him out blood mixed. Carson was a kell carrier too. I am not. So from that point on my body made an antibody. This was not known until I went into the OB office 6 months after Carson was born telling them I was pregnant again. The first blood test you get when you first find out you are pregnant came back bad. He asked me a million questions. He kept asking me if I had had a blood transfusion. I said no. Finally he wanted to do a blood test on Richard. That is where he found the kell. Then he pieced together about Carson and my blood getting mixed during the c section. This was serious stuff. From my first appointment I knew this was not going to be an easy pregnancy. I was told she could die in the womb pretty much at any time. What was happening was my body was now making an antibody and the baby was carrying the kell too. So my body was fighting her body and killing her red blood cells. So 16 weeks on I had to have an ultrasound done of the baby's brain to see if her was anemic or not. The ultrasound showed the blood flow in and out of the brain. If the blood was moving too quickly, it meant she was anemic. It was a long scary pregnancy. But guess what. God showed up big time. Kylie was born at 36 weeks 6 days! AND she was my healthiest baby at birth. She didn't even need to go into NICU.
So after that and having 3 c section we were done having babies. We just couldn't chance the what ifs again. We were beyond blessed Kylie was born healthy after all my body was trying to do to her tiny body.
So that brings me to now. For the past four years I have thought non stop about adopting. God spoke to me clear as day and told me he wants me to adopt a baby. We have not had the means to do it. But now we might. It might actually be possible.
I am so nervous though. My body hates me. Can I do this again? Will I be giving enough to another life? It scares me. I want it so badly though. I have for a long long time. We shall see how it all plays out. I have been praying about this for 4 years. I trust God's plan in all of this.
I am sure some of my words are mixed up. My RA is flared up and my fingers type different words than what my brain is thinking. It is weird. lol
No comments:
Post a Comment